Every time there is this transition, my insides scream, “I don’t think I can take this again - I want to be settled!”
We recently left the place we have called home for 4 weeks – the longest place the 4 of us have stayed put in 9 months.
That’s the price that is to be paid when you sell your house after your husband’s job is dissolved and go on an 8 month road trip; when you get home, you need a job and a place to live.
Many women tell me they could never do what I did recently, traveling from place to place each day for 8 months, with so many changes in environment. I had wondered if God wired me different, but I know now it’s because it’s what we committed too and I knew it wouldn’t be forever. But it feels like it now…Because we’re home and still moving from place to place.
There's also a lot of waiting during this time. I wait to hear news from my hip surgeon, promising me an end to 4+ years of pain and a life stuck mostly sitting after 2 unsuccessful surgeries. Waiting to see where God is calling my husband and I in ministry, and plans for employment. Waiting for a home as we house sit week after week… Waiting for stability. A life in limbo but full of trust and hope.
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
Truth is I’ve always hated transition. Passionately hated it - even to the point of having full on pity parties when plans are changed. I’ve outgrown this quite a bit during our 16 years of my marriage, but those first few years reveled to my husband and me that changes didn’t happen without me pitching a fit.
Growing up, my family moved at least 7 times before my 6th grade year. Then, due to my parent’s dysfunction and my own depression and suicide attempts, my youth pastor found foster homes (families in our church) to take me in from Jr. high through High School. I was used to moving by then and didn’t mind it because it was better than living at home. At least that’s what I told myself.
You see, when you already feel you are not wanted, and then you’re moved from home to home, you begin to believe you are a burden even more because no one wants to keep you permanently.
I was extremely grateful for all the loving families who sacrificed their lives to take me in, and I did feel that love in appreciation but I never let go of knowing it was all temporary.
So, here I am wishing I didn’t have to move our family each week and longing for stability. I don’t know when we will find jobs and housing, or even where, but you know what I do know? I know that this is temporary – because a family of four can’t keep living like this, and because we have heard God tell us to trust and wait, and that He has something for us, just not now. I know that God is the one who takes care of us as we seek Him for wisdom and open doors while my husband pursues his passion for writing and speaking, and as I await the decision from my hip surgeon. I also know this will make us more grateful for a home and will teach our children flexibility.
This is a fragile time – hanging onto trust and pushing through. But honestly, knowing that God is good and that because we seek and serve Him, He will care for us – even if it’s not what we want, but what we need is where I should be. It’s a better place to be than trying to do things on our own and fretting about the unknown that we have little control over.
Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
7/11/2015 05:08:12 am
Marilyn, you do such a great job of expressing your heart. Thank you for sharing your life with us.
7/11/2015 05:12:30 am
Oh Sweetie, my prayers are with you. Where are you of to now? Miss you and pray that you will settle down soon!
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