It’s been 7 years today since my left hip injury. Seven years of so many unanswered questions and prayers.
But I want this to be a note filled with hope and encouragement, especially for those who don’t have answers to the pain after a bad injury or surgery.
I know what it’s like to be stuck in a wheelchair and at the mercy of others pushing you around and into corners while they look at the things you are wanting to see. I know what it’s like to need walking sticks and a cane just to get around the house and how each move causes so much pain, you want to cry and give up on life.
I have had many questions for God and unanswered prayers, but even when I question His ways and plan, I trust He loves me and has a reason. I know He has taught me about chronic pain through this journey. He taught me to slow down- so that I would read and write more - to share my stories of pain turned to healing and hope to others.
I’ve learned to trust when I don’t know the answers or don’t like them. My children have learned how to serve others when they can’t help themselves, and how to show grace to those who need help. I’ve learned how to be humble and rely on my husband and He has shown myself and our daughters true, sacrificial love.
Some time ago, I decided to pursue hope...because living without it was like living in darkness. It’s a battle, but a choice. I now fight to look to the positive, even if at times it is so small it seems hard to find. Chronic pain sufferers must fight to rise above the monster of depression that wants to swallow us whole- mind, body and soul.
I’ve learned that I can choose hope, and in doing so, choose to fight with determination for a normalcy that is different from the life I once knew, but still a life worth living.
Hope can drive us to see the good and to fight for something better because we know it has to be out there. The surgeons left me to a life on drugs. I refused. I wasn’t going to listen to the lies that life was over for me. I fought for different therapy, and you know what? It’s been working. At least I can walk now, even if only for short bits at a time.
Is there purpose in pain? I think we can all learn something. I know I did-I still am if I look for it. I took up calligraphy because I needed purpose with so many days spent reclining because sitting and standing does something that causes me more discomfort. There are many things you can do while sitting or reclining. Think about what you can do no matter your situation.
I think the pain of believing we have no purpose is worse than the physical pain. But it’s not true. You are worth so much to so many people and to God. He hears your cries and knows the longings in your heart. I’ve had to give Him so much and then, let it go. I’ve had to ask what is next and what does my life look like now... And now, I’m writing to you - to those who have been on a similar journey, to not lose hope and not doubt your worth. You matter so much more than how your pain might limit or define you. Don’t give up on answers or reaching out for help and most of all, keep fighting for that hope because you are worth it.
Love, Marilyn Mae